Hello USM !
Its been a long time sinse the last time i had made a post, So i am well overdue!! I do have to warn you though this may be a long one, i have a lot to get off my shoulders, and ask for a lot of advice! Now i do ask that you bare with me, for i may be jumping to one subject to another, but i will try to organize this the best i can.
Some of you know, that i have not been myself at all lately, im not around as much as i used to be, nor am i the happy-go-lucky gal i used to be, and there is a good reason for that. About 2 months ago, i was sexually assaulted by two men ( who i THOUGHT were friends ) one of them was dating a friend of mine.
What happend was that i was at party, everyone was drinking. I had only had one drink that night, because i didnt know most of the people there, and felt uncomfortable to drink with people i do not know, and not in my own home. so being the responcible person that i am, decided to have one “ social” drink. Well everyone kept bugging me to “ drink up “ and “ have another “ .. or “ hurry bree, gotta catch up to me “ so i often went outside to get away from it all. Little did i know, when i stepped outside the last time, they had drugged my drink.. ( YES i know, my stupidity for leaving my drink in there.. ) and next thing i knew, i woke up and was alone with the two guys.
At that time, it was around 5am, i managed to get dressed, walked down the street a couple houses, and woke someone up ( by knocking on their door ) i apologized repeatedly and asked if i could use their phone to call the cops. ( mind you i was so scared ) but they did let me, they got me a warm blanket and made me a hot coffee. I had called the police and ambulance came to pick me up. I was admitted to the hospital for 2 weeks, under heavy treatment, antibiotics, and sleep medication and heavy councelling. needless to say the two men DID get arrested and charged.
They both currently got out on bail, one for $20,000 and the other for $200,000 ( one already had a criminal record, and was on probation ) I just recently heard from the courts by mail and a call, that one had pleaded guilty already, but one has not. they both go back to court at the end of this month, to see where its going to go from there. Thank goodness i dont have to be at that court appearance, but i am scared where the second guy DIDNT plead guilty, that i will have to testify. I am soo not looking forward to that. so needless to say, i have been on a emotional roller coaster the whole time, wondering if i should just give up.
Now to speak of the aftermath, I feel i no longer the same person i once used to be, I have lost some friends because i dont want to be bothered, I lost my job because my mental stability isnt all “ normal “ my only source of income right now is Employment Insurance and im currently living with a friend and her husband and 3 kids AND her husbands mother. ( yes its a housefull ) so needless to say i dont have much privacy, but the kids sure keep be busy during the day. I also lost my appartment that i was supposed to be getting, because i had lost my job a couple days before i was supposed to move in, and when the landlord found out i lost my job, he said no. I am currently in a lawsuit with him as well, because i gave him $600 deposit, and i have yet to see that money back yet. but thats a whole other post there!
Right now i feel like this is all my fault, that if i would have left the party, or even not drink period, this wouldnt have happend. I also put a restraining order of my “ friend “ who brought me to that party, mainly because when i called the cops, they got her for questioning, she then claims that they did it to her as well, after watching it all happen to me. The cops questioned why she didnt try to stop it, or call the cops when they were “ busy with me “ .. she said she was scared and drunk ( understandable...to a point ) .. but anyway, after her “ statements “ the police had caught her in many many lies, to cover up what happend. She finally admitted that she knew what they were planning to do, and “ saw no harm “ in it... WHAT.... what kind of ANY friend is that? when the police had told me what happend ( because i dont remember the whole night because of being drugged ) i lost it. I didnt know if i wanted to be more mad, or upset. But when she knew that the cops told me, she started to harass me, call my cell 7-10 times a day, and show up where i was living, to tell me to “ back away “ .. to “ drop the charges against them, i still love him “ ( the guy she was dating ) .. so now only did what happen to me change me.. it also changed my trust towards people.
So, needless to say, i am NOT myself, and nor do i think i will ever be. Im still trying to heal, and get passed this. All i have been praying for lately, is just a good nights sleep. just one, its all i ask for.. i dont eat much anymore, i dont look healthy, i barely get out of my PJ's unless i absolutely have to.. and councelling i find is just not helping me.. not that i notice anyway.
But, im going to stop writting for now, and USM, im sorry this is so long, i just needed to get this all out and off my shoulders. If you look at me differently, i understand. Im just one messed up girl, and full of problems.
Breanna aka Teddy bears angel
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