So there's a new man in my life. I work for a School and he is a night student. His name is Kevin. He's amazing. I've been with him for about 3 weeks now, but knew him for 5 months. (the school is a college just incase your wondering) lol.
Anyway 3 weeks ago I called him out of the blue, because I was feeling really down and I thought maybe if I hang out with someone new, then I'd feel better. Plus after telling Jay how I felt and his answer, I thought it was time to move on. Well Kevin and I hit it off right away.
He tells me I'm beautiful everyday. Most importantly he said to me "It's ALL or nothing" At first this scared the living out of me. I was ready to put on my running shoes, but I kept telling myself to stop being scared. I've never had a real relationship really. The guys I was with always kept me a secrete. I hated my life style, but it was all I knew until I met Kevin. He truely cares for me.
I want to tell you a little about him and see how you all feel. Well I'm from Philadelphia. He is from the state IL. He is only a year older then me 23, but he has been married and divorced already. He was in the military and married when he was 18. I'm pretty unstanding of that. It was a bad choice made very young. He does not have any kids with this woman and no ties.
Things are getting really serious. He wants me to come to IL with him to meet his family. Were both in bad situations right now with living, so there's talk of moving in together as well. Every bit of my heart Says "go with it". My mind is whats messing with me. My mind says RUN, but I can't seem to figure out why my mind is telling me that. I think because I know my life is changing right before my eyes. I'm so used to being used. Love was almost non existing in my life. Love was not even on my mind. Today he told me that he is falling inlove with me. I feel it too under all the fear. I'm getting used to someone wanting to hold me. I'm getting used to this situation and I want more and more of it everyday. He is so amazing. My gut tells me that if I let my fears of being raped, or used take over me, then I'll be missing out on the best thing in my life.
I should just go with it right??
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