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Do you save you ex's emails for years and years?

  Author:  58809  Category:(Discussion) Created:(11/19/2008 6:57:00 PM)
This post has been Viewed (332 times)

I was on my boyfriend's computer looking at Linens and Things' website when I accidentally clicked on the mail icon at the bottom of the page. It opened up his g-mail account. Now, I was on the phone with a friend and was absentmindedly clicking stuff on the page when I opened up the last page of the email account. My wandering eye caught the word "marry" or "marrying" in the subject line and there I was....wondering if I should read it or not.

Well, I guess I shouldn't have opened it.

There was something like 6 to 7 years worth of emails to ex-girlfriends, one of which seriously talks about marriage and another involves photos of ex-girlfriend number 2 in their underwear. One of them is a crack on how their honeymoon will be in a place where "Mexican" isn't spoken, because they would prefer not to have that. He and his past girlfriends are white; I'm mexican. This makes me feel weird, especially since he's toned down the racist jokes since we've been dating.

Now, I've had my share of love affairs in the past 6, 7 years...but I haven't saved them to the level he has. I know I shouldn't have looked at his emails but now it's too late and I'm really hurt. It's horrible to compare your relationships with that of others, but he praises their attractiveness and sweetness so much that I think I may have grown a bit sloppy and harsh to not receive those compliments.

I know I shouldn't have looked, even if absentmindedly. Now that it's done though, what should I do? I feel hurt, but dont' want to talk about it and also feel I can't trust him.

Am I out of place?

Also, have any of you saved old e-mails from ex boyfriends and girlfriends for years and years? If so, why?

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Date: 11/19/2008 7:03:00 PM  From Authorid: 10657    Personally, I feel that you are the one in the wrong.
You say you did it absent mindedly while, talking with a friend the instant, you realized you were in his email account you should have closed it out.
So, what if, it's from six or seven years ago I have emails in my email accounts that I don't even look at that are that old.
You have violated his trust imo. And, you have no right to be angry or upset unless, he has given you cause to be.

Has he given you cause to be angry or upset? Sorry, that's just my opinion that you were the one in the wrong.
If, he has given you cause for concern there there is reason for it otherwise it was your own curiousity that actually did it.

In answer yep, I have emails from ex's that I never even look at they were and are marked in a folder so, I could remember something at the time that was said. And, I never felt the need to go back and either delete them or to read them either.
  
Date: 11/19/2008 7:05:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 58809    I guess I'm upset because there are things he said he didn't do that the emails showed he clearly did. One of them would be, for instance, that he did not ask one of the ex's to marry him, which he actually did as the emails show. It's a big deal because I didn't think he was over this girlfriend when he assured me that he was. And then these emails make me believe that he really isn't. It confuses me.  
Date: 11/19/2008 7:09:00 PM  From Authorid: 64454    I did until he and I moved in with each other. Now we're happily married and still living together. LOL Take good care and God Bless! Love and Hugs,  
Date: 11/19/2008 7:10:00 PM  From Authorid: 64454    I only read the title, I admit. When I went to see what other people said I noticed there's much more to this! Now I gotta read. BRB  
Date: 11/19/2008 7:11:00 PM  From Authorid: 64365    What's in the past is in the past and should stay in the past, and not publicized. That's his private stuff, not yours, sweetie...  
Date: 11/19/2008 7:14:00 PM  From Authorid: 5301    ...that's no different than opening any mail. If your name isn't on it, it's not yours to view unless he wants you to.  
Date: 11/19/2008 7:14:00 PM  From Authorid: 64454    I don't think you should have looked at his email but I also think it's odd he keeps the old ones from ex's. That sums it up in a nutshell. I dunno this one is something I don't wanna get into considering I've been in a similar situation. And I have to go make dinner. I'm sorry I can't be of more help but I do hope and will pray everything works out well for you both. Take good care and God Bless! Love and Hugs,  
Date: 11/19/2008 7:16:00 PM  From Authorid: 10657    I understand what you are saying however, now you have given him reason to not trust you.
Have you kept something from ex's?? Maybe a note or a flower or a stuffed animal that is no different than, him saving those emails.
It doesn't mean anything since, he is obviously with you. He has shared his past with you and perhaps, at the time he was just giving into her feelings of wanting to be married. I think that it didn't happen says a lot about him. You can't fault him for not marrying someone.
  
Date: 11/19/2008 7:21:00 PM  From Authorid: 64365    My question is how would you feel, and how would he feel, if one day he absentmindedly clicked on USM, and found your post telling everyone about his emails?  
Date: 11/19/2008 7:48:00 PM  ( Admin )   I can't bring myself to toss away anything of Gingers. I have to give her, her own hair back if I find one on me. I can't throw it away.. lol
Date: 11/19/2008 8:12:00 PM  From Authorid: 3688    I think you were dead wrong to look into his e-mail, and for being upset over soemthing that was over YEARS ago. Yes, I still have old e-mails and letters from my ex's for no other reason than I am sentimental. I haven't read any of them in almost 10 years, but they're a part of my past that is important to me, and I'd be furious if my husband read my e-mail, and then had the nerve to get upset over something that was a) in the past, and b) private.  
Date: 11/19/2008 8:52:00 PM  From Authorid: 16845    Well.....I do agree with the others in that you shouldn't have read it. I learned long ago, your looking for nothing but trouble if you sift through someones email, even if you have no ill intent. Usually the only person that gets hurt, is the one reading.

That being said it's Gmail, are you sure it's intentionally saved? Their adding storage space constantly so it's HARD to run out of room. I know people, myself included who simply just don't bother deleting 90% of what comes through.

I just looked at mine, I haven't deleted much of anything since July 2007
  
Date: 11/19/2008 8:57:00 PM  From Authorid: 42945    I clear all of my emails out as soon as I read them....you were in the wrong hun, plain and simple fact!   
Date: 11/19/2008 9:07:00 PM  From Authorid: 64497    I'm not going to say it is wrong, but it kind of worries me about how he is praising them instead of you. Maybe I'm just paranoid, but that raises a big red flag for me.  
Date: 11/19/2008 9:24:00 PM  From Authorid: 47218    Oh come on- you went digging into his past, and now you're crying because you found something that makes you feel bad? What do you expect to happen when you go digging in someone's private space? You should be kicking yourself in the butt for being nosy.  
Date: 11/19/2008 9:32:00 PM  From Authorid: 64123    One, I think it was wrong to read his emails at all. Two, you can't be angry for things he said when he wasn't with you and was with someone else. As he loves you now and will express his love to you, so he would have done with his past loves..just as you did with yours. I for one do keep emails for a long time. Some I never look at, sometimes I do go back and look at where I was then. Those emails and the things he said are his past and he's entitled to his own history. You are his now, focus on that.  
Date: 11/20/2008 6:32:00 AM  From Authorid: 28848    well if they are really old, and he hasnt had contact with them since, why are you having problems trusting him? Who knows why he keeps them. Maybe it boasts his self-esteem or something lol. Or maybe he just doesnt want to forget things in the past. whatever the reason, I dont really see a problem with it as long as its in the past and there isnt any current contact with the exs.  
Date: 11/20/2008 12:04:00 PM  From Authorid: 55841    I have to agree with the others...if any trust was broken here, it is his, not yours. While you may have clicked on the mail icon accidentally, your mistake (as I'm sure you're already well aware of) was in not closing it immediately. Continuing to read was an invasion of his privacy. With that said, let it go. Take him at face value until he gives you a reason not to trust him. And, learn from this experience. Hugs!  
Date: 11/20/2008 12:43:00 PM  From Authorid: 63241    I have to admit I'm with the others about this. There is an old saying that states: "He who snoops on others should be prepared to be hurt" (or something like that). What happened to you is proof of that.
Now you have a choice of clearing your conscience by telling him what you've done (probably bringing on his anger); or suffering in silence with questions you can never ask. Reassure yourself that he's with YOU now, in spite of the past and keep reminding yourself that in fact, these messages were in the PAST...get over it just like he did.


He may have complimented these ex's because they were of the shallow-type who require constant ego-gratification. (Possibly part of the reason they ARE his ex's.) And if you are the jealous-type, he possibly felt no need to tell you he had proposed at one time, thinking it would open up a can of worms. Who knows?

I hope that somehow you can get past this and resume your relationship. Put the blame of the problem squarely on your own shoulders because you are the one who betrayed his trust. Learn from this.
  
Date: 11/20/2008 1:04:00 PM  From Authorid: 36901    The only time I EVER go into my boyfriend's email is when he asks me to check it for him. Basically if he's expecting a specific email from a specific person or company. When that happens, that's the only mail I look for or open (even though I do have his pw and he mine). He gets emails from one of his ex girlfriends sometimes and he always forwards it to me. I don't read them, but he sends them just so I know what she says If I want to know(she's always trying to get him to go back to her). I guess he feels that if he doesn't send them to me he's hiding something.

I don't think gmail has even been around 6 or 7 years. More like 4 or possibly 5 (I could be wrong).

Also, Becky is right. If you don't delete them they stay in your account, so maybe he wasn't actually saving them as in he wanted to keep them. What you did was wrong, but at the same time I understand how you feel.
  
Date: 11/21/2008 9:40:00 AM  From Authorid: 18887    wow pathetic... its his personal space.. he doesnt dig in yours.. shame on you  

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